Title: The Mother at Home: Or The Principles of Maternal Duty, Familiarly Described
Author: Rev. John S. C. Abbott
Publisher: American Tract Society
Date: 1833
THE MOTHER
AT HOME;
OR THE PRINCIPLES OF MATERNAL DUTY
FAMILIARLY ILLUSTRATED.
BY
REV. JOHN
S. C. ABBOTT
WORCESTER, MASS.
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Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1833, BY CROCKER & BREWSTER, In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Massachusetts.
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DEDICATION.
TO MY FATHER AND MOTHER
This book is most affectionately dedicated. For the principles here inculcated, I am indebted to the instructions I received, and the scenes I witnessed, at your fire-side. That God may render them available, in conferring the same joy upon other families, which they have so richly shed upon yours, is the prayer of your GRATEFUL SON.
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PREFACE.
T HE object of this book is practical utility , not literary effect. It was written for mothers in the common walks of life. There are many mothers, in every village of our land, who are looking eagerly for information respecting the government of their children. It is hoped that the following treatise may render them some assistance.
Some persons may object to the minuteness of detail, and the familiarity of illustration, occasionally introduced. We, however, are persuaded that this objection will not be made by mothers. Education consists in attention to little things.
The religious sentiments
inculcated in this book are those usually denominated
evangelical.
We have proceeded upon the principle that
here is the commencement of external existence,
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and that the great object of education is to prepare the
child for its heavenly home.
When a person writes upon the subject of family government, the first thought which arises in the minds of many readers, is, "we will see how he succeeds in his own family." There are many motives, such as indolence, false tenderness, &c. operating to induce a parent to neglect known duty. The principles contained in this book may be correct, even though the author should fail to enforce them.
This treatise was commenced with particular reference to the mothers who attend my ministry. That it may be of assistance to them, in their efforts to lead their children to the Savior, is the earnest prayer of their friend and pastor,
JOHN S. C. ABBOTT.
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CONTENTS.
CHAPTER
I.
R ESPONSIBILITY. --Anecdote. The Mother of Washington. Byron. Newton. The Sailor. Consequences of a daughter's sin. The Maniac. The way to avoid maternal anguish. Page 9
CHAPTER II.
M ATERNAL A UTHORITY. --Necessity of obedience. What is meant by obedience. The sick child. The way to obtain obedience. Scene in a farm house. Instance of maternal faithfulness. Mothers' excuses. Two family scenes. A mother's power. 24
CHAPTER
III.
M ATERNAL A UTHORITY , continued. --Contests with children. Anecdote. The way to avoid contests. Variations of feeling. Difference of natural disposition. Variations of punishment. Unjust punishment. Illustrations. Time to commence government. Effects of severity. 40
CHAPTER
IV.
T HE M OTHER'S D IFFICULTIES. --Necessity of self-control. Illustration. Necessity of resolution. The unhappy widow. Anecdote of Buonaparte. Fatal Indulgence of sick children. Importance of harmony of views between both parents. Family saved from ruin by a mother. 64
CHAPTER
V.
F
AULTS AND
E
RRORS.
Talking about children in their presence.
Anecdote. Self-conceit, how produced. Injudicious remarks of visitors. The vain
child. Making exhibitions of children's attainments. Repeating
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hymns. Remarks of an English
gentleman. Secluding children from society. A family scene. Loquacity.
Anecdote. Deceiving children. The Physician. Good effects of approbation. Basil
Hall. Imaginary fears. Appalling consequences of resorting to them for
punishment.
83
CHAPTER
VI.
R ELIGIOUS I NSTRUCTION. --A mother's influence. Importance of deep devotional feeling. Dying scene. The cheerful aspect in which religion should be presented. Appropriate occasions for religious instruction. Tenderness of feeling. The storm. Sickness. The death of a child. Anecdote. The summer's morning. Loss of a ball. The gentleman and the cabin-boy. Inappropriate occasions. Excitement. Tedious conversation. 111
CHAPTER
VII.
R ELIGIOUS I NSTRUCTION , continued. --Indefinite views of heaven. Vivid description of the inspired writers. Intellectual delight. Rapture of melody. Joy of friendship. Beauty of scenery. The Savior. Impression a Savior's love produces on the mind of a child. Nathan Dickerman. Prayer with children. The gambler. English gentleman. Teaching children to pray. Mode. Anecdote. Expect success. Sources of encouragement. Evil consequences of giving publicity to the hopeful piety of a child. 132
CHAPTER
VIII.
R ESULTS. --A mother's joys. A mother's influence on future generations. Consequences of a father's neglect of duty. Necessity of studying the subject of Education. Consequences of ignorance. Keeping journals. Extracts from a mother's note-book. Cessation of toil, and a heavenly home. 155
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THE MOTHER AT HOME.
CHAPTER
I.
RESPONSIBILITY.
A
FEW
years ago,
some gentlemen who were associated in preparing for the ministry, felt
interested in ascertaining what proportion of their number had pious mothers.
They were greatly surprised and delighted in finding that out of one hundred
and twenty students, over a hundred had been borne by a mother's prayers, and
directed by a mother's counsels, to the Savior. Though some of these had broken
away from all the restraints of home, and like the prodigal, had wandered in
sin and sorrow, yet they could not forget the impressions of childhood, and
were eventually brought to the Savior, to be a mother's joy and blessing. Many
interesting facts have, within a few years, drawn the attention of Christians
to this subject. The efforts which a mother makes for the improvement of her
child in knowledge and virtue, are necessarily retired and unobtrusive
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The world knows not of them; and hence the world has
been slow to perceive how powerful and extensive is this secret and silent
influence. But circumstances are now directing the eyes of the community to the
nursery, and the truth is daily coming more distinctly before the public, that
the influence which is exerted upon the mind during the first eight or ten
years of existence, in a great degree guides the destinies of that mind for
time and eternity. And as the mother is the guardian and guide of the early
years of life, from her goes the most powerful influence in the formation of
the character of man. And why should it not be so? What impressions can be more
strong, and more lasting, than those received upon the mind in the freshness
and the susceptibility of youth? What instructor can gain greater confidence
and respect than a mother? And where can there be delight in acquiring
knowledge, if not when the little flock cluster around a mother's knee to hear
of God and heaven?
"A good boy generally makes a good man." Said the
mother of Washington, "George was always a good boy." Here we see one secret of
his greatness. George Washington had a mother who made him a good boy, and
instilled into his heart those principles which raised him to be the
benefactor
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of his country, and one of the
brightest ornaments of the world. The
mother
of
Washington is entitled to a nation's gratitude.
She
taught her boy the principles of obedience, and moral courage, and virtue. She,
in a great measure, formed the character of the hero, and the statesman. It was
by her own fire-side that she taught her playful boy to govern himself; and
thus was he prepared for the brilliant career of usefulness which he afterward
pursued. We are indebted to God for the gift of Washington; but we are no less
indebted to him for the gift of his inestimable mother. Had she been a weak,
and indulgent, and unfaithful parent, the unchecked energies of Washington
might have elevated him to the throne of a tyrant; or youthful disobedience
might have prepared the way for a life of crime and a dishonored
grave.
Byron had a mother just the reverse of lady Washington; and the
character of the mother was transferred to the son. We cannot wonder then at
his character and conduct, for we see them to be the almost necessary
consequence of the education he received, and the scenes witnessed in his
mother's parlor. She would at one time allow him to disobey with impunity;
again she would fly into a rage and beat him. She thus taught him to defy all
authority, human and divine; to indulge, without restraint,
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in sin; to give himself up to the power of every maddening
passion. It was the mother of Byron who laid the foundation of his pre-eminence
in guilt. She taught him to plunge into that sea of profligacy and
wretchedness, upon whose agitated waves he was tossed for life. If the crimes
of the poet deserve the execration of the world--the world cannot forget that
it was the mother who fostered in his youthful heart those passions which made
the son a curse to his fellow-men.
There are, it is true, innumerable causes incessantly operating in the formation of character. A mother's influence is by no means the only influence which is exerted. Still it may be the most powerful; for, with God's ordinary blessing, it may form in the youthful mind the habits, and implant the principles, to which other influences are to give permanency and vigor.
A pious and faithful mother
may have
a dissolute child. He may break away from
all restraints, and God may leave him to "eat the fruit of his own devices."
The parent, thus afflicted and broken-hearted, can only bow before the
sovereignty of her Maker, who says, "be still, and know that I am God." The
consciousness, however, of having done one's duty, divests this affliction of
much of its bitterness. And beside, such cases are rare. Profligate
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children are generally the offspring of parents who have
neglected the moral and religious education of their family. Some parents are
themselves profligate, and thus not only allow their children to grow up
unrestrained, but by their example lure them to sin. But there are others, who
are very upright, and virtuous, and even pious themselves, who do,
nevertheless, neglect the moral culture of their children; and as a
consequence, they grow up in disobedience and sin. It matters but little what
the cause is which leads to this neglect. The neglect itself will ordinarily be
followed by disobedience and self-will.
Hence the reason that children of
eminent men, both in church and state, are not unfrequently the disgrace of
their parents. If the mother is unaccustomed to govern her children, if she
look to the father to enforce obedience, and to control; when
he
is absent, all family government is absent, and
the children are left to run wild; to learn lessons of disobedience; to
practise arts of deception; to build, upon the foundation of contempt for a
mother, a character of insubordination and iniquity. But if the children are
under the efficient government of a judicious mother, the reverse of this is
almost invariably the case. And since, in nearly every instance, the early
years of life are intrusted to a mother's care, it follows that
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maternal influence, more than any thing else, forms the
future character.
The history of John Newton is often mentioned as a
proof of the deep and lasting impression which a mother may produce upon the
mind of her child. He had a pious mother. She often retired to her closet, and
placing her hand upon his youthful head, implored God's blessing upon her boy.
These prayers and instructions sunk deep into his heart. He could not but
revere that mother. He could not but feel that there was a holiness in such a
character, demanding reverence and love. He could not tear from his heart, in
after life, the impressions then produced. Though he became a wicked wanderer,
though he forsook friends and home, and every virtue; the remembrance of a
mother's prayers, like a guardian angel, followed him wherever he went. He
mingled in the most dissipated and disgraceful scenes of a sailor's life, and
while surrounded with guilty associates, in midnight revelry, he would fancy he
felt the soft hand of his mother upon his head, pleading with God to forgive
and bless her boy. He went to the coast of Africa, and became even more
degraded than the savages upon her dreary shores. But the soft hand of his
mother was still upon his head, and the fervent prayers of his mother still
thrilled in his heart. And this influence, after the lapse
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of many guilty years, brought back the prodigal, a penitent
and a child of God; elevated him to be one of the brightest ornaments of the
Christian church, and to guide many sons and daughters to glory. What a
forcible comment is this upon the power of maternal influence! And what
encouragement does this present to every mother to be faithful in her efforts
to train up her child for God! Had Mrs. Newton neglected her duty, had she even
been as remiss as many Christian mothers, her son, to all human view, might
have continued in sin, and been an outcast from heaven. It was through the
influence of the mother that the son was saved. Newton became afterward a most
successful preacher of the Gospel, and every soul which he was instrumental in
saving, as he sings the song of redeeming mercy, will, through eternity, bless
God that Newton had such a mother.
The influence thus exerted upon the
mind, in early childhood, may, for many years, be apparently lost. When a son
leaves home, and enters upon the busy world, many are the temptations which
come crowding upon him. If he leaves not his mother with established principles
of religion and self-control, he will most assuredly fall before these
temptations. He may indeed fall, even after all a mother has done, or can do;
and he may become deeply involved in guilt.
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But he
may apparently forget every lesson he learnt at home, while the influence of a
mother's instructions, and a mother's prayers, is yet working powerfully and
effectually
in his heart. He will think of a
mother's tears, when remorse keeps him awake at midnight, or when danger
threatens him with speedy arraignment at the bar of God. The thoughts of the
sacredness of home will often throw bitterness into his cup of guilty pleasure,
and compel him to sigh for the virtue and the peace he has forsaken. Even
though far away, in abodes of infamy, degraded and abandoned, he must
occasionally think of a broken-hearted mother. Thus may he, after many years,
perhaps long after she has gone down to the grave, be led, by the remembrance
of her virtues, to forsake his sins.
A short time since, a gentleman, in
one of our most populous cities, was going to attend a seaman's meeting in the
mariner's chapel. Directly opposite the chapel there was a sailor's boarding
house. In the door-way sat a hardy, weather-beaten sailor, with arms folded,
and puffing a segar, watching the people as they gradually assembled for the
meeting. The gentleman walked up to him and said, "Well, my friend, won't you
go with us to meeting?" "No!" said the sailor, bluntly. The gentleman, who,
from the appearance of the man, was prepared for a repulse,
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mildly replied, "You look, my friend, as though you had seen
hard days; have you a mother?" The sailor raised his head, looked earnestly in
the gentleman's face, and made no reply.
The gentleman continued: "Suppose your mother were here now, what advice would she give you?" The tears rushed into the eyes of the poor sailor; he tried for a moment to conceal them, but could not; and, hastily brushing them away with the back of his rough hand, rose and said, with a voice almost inarticulate through emotion, "I'll go to the meeting." He crossed the street, entered the door of the chapel, and took his seat with the assembled congregation.
What afterward became of the man is not known. It is however almost certain that he must have had a mother who had given him good instruction; and when the gentleman appealed to her , hardened as the sailor was, his heart melted. It is by no means improbable that this interview may have checked this man in his sins, and led him to Christ. At any event, it shows the strength of maternal influence. It shows that years of wandering and of sin cannot erase from the heart the impression which a mother's instructions and a mother's prayers have left there.
It is a great trial to have children undutiful
when
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young; but it is a tenfold greater affliction
to have a child grow up to maturity in disobedience, and become a dissolute and
abandoned man. How many parents have passed days of sorrow and nights of
sleeplessness in consequence of the misconduct of their offspring! How many
have had their hearts broken, and their gray hairs brought down with sorrow to
the grave, solely in consequence of their own neglect to train up their
children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord! Your future happiness is in
the hands of your children. They may throw gloom over all your prospects,
embitter every enjoyment, and make you so miserable, that your only prospect of
relief will be in death.
That little girl whom you now fondle upon your knee, and who plays, so full of enjoyment, upon your floor, has entered a world where temptations are thick around. What is to enable her to resist these temptations, but established principles of piety? And where is she to obtain these principles, but from a mother's instructions and example? If, through your neglect now, she should hereafter yield herself to temptation and sin, what must become of your peace of mind? O mother! little are you aware of the wretchedness with which your loved daughter may hereafter overwhelm you!
Many illustrations of the most affecting nature
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might be here introduced. It would be easy to appeal to a
vast number of living sufferers, in attestation of the wo which the sin of the
child has occasioned. You may go, not only in imagination, but in reality, to
the darkened chamber, where the mother sits weeping, and refusing to be
comforted, for a daughter is lost to virtue and to heaven. Still, no person can
imagine how overwhelming the agony which must prey upon a mother thus
dishonored and broken-hearted. This is a sorrow which can only be understood by
one who has tasted its bitterness and felt its weight. We may go to the house
of piety and prayer, and find the father and mother with countenances emaciated
with suffering; not a smile plays upon their features, and the mournful accents
of their voice tell how deeply seated is their sorrow. Shall we inquire into
the cause of this heart-rending grief? The mother would only reply with tears
and sobs. The father would summon all his fortitude, and say, "my
daughter"--and say no more. The anguish of his spirit would prevent the farther
utterance of his grief.
Is this exaggeration? No! Let your lovely daughter, now your pride and joy, be abandoned to infamy, be an outcast from society, and you must feel what language cannot express.
This is a
dreadful subject; but it is one which
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the mother
must feel and understand. There are facts which might here be introduced,
sufficient to make every parent tremble. We might lead you to the dwelling of
the clergyman, and tell you that a daughter's sin has murdered the mother, and
sent paleness to the cheek, and trembling to the frame, and agony to the heart
of the aged father. We might carry you to the parlor of the rich man, and show
you all the elegance and the opulence with which he is surrounded; and yet he
would tell you that he was one of the most unhappy of the sons of affliction,
and that he would gladly give all his treasures if he could purchase back a
daughter's virtue; that he could gladly lie down to die, if he could thus blot
out the remembrance of a daughter's infamy.
No matter what your situation in life may be, that little child, now so innocent, whose playful endearments and happy laugh awaken such thrilling emotions in your heart, may cause you years of most unalleviated misery.
And mother! look at that drunken
vagrant, staggering by your door. Listen to his horrid imprecations, as bloated
and ragged he passes along. That wretch has a mother. Perhaps, widowed and in
poverty, she needs the comfort and support of an affectionate son. You have a
son. You
may
soon
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be a
widow. If your son is dissolute, you are doubly widowed; you are worse,
infinitely worse than childless. You cannot now endure even the thought that
your son will ever be thus abandoned. How dreadful then must be the experience
of the reality!
I once knew a mother who had an only son. She loved him most ardently, and could not bear to deny him any indulgence. He, of course, soon learned to rule his mother. At the death of his father, the poor woman was left at the mercy of this vile boy. She had neglected her duty when he was young, and now his ungovernable passions had become too strong for her control. Self-willed, turbulent, and revengeful, he was his mother's bitterest curse. His paroxysms of rage at times amounted almost to madness. One day, infuriated with his mother, he set fire to her house, and it was burned to the ground, with all its contents, and she was left in the extremest state of poverty. He was imprisoned as an incendiary, and, in his cell, he became a maniac, if he was not such before, and madly dug out his own eyes. He now lies in perpetual darkness, confined by the stone walls and grated bars of his dungeon, an infuriated madman.
O how hard it must be for a mother, after all her
pain, and anxiety, and watchings, to find her son a demoniac spirit, instead of
a guardian and friend!
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You have watched over your
child, through all the months of its helpless infancy. You have denied
yourself, that you might give it comfort. When it has been sick, you have been
unmindful of your own weariness, and your own weakness, and the livelong night
you have watched at its cradle, administering to all its wants. When it has
smiled, you have felt a joy which none but a parent can feel, and have pressed
your much loved treasure to your bosom, praying that its future years of
obedience and affection might be your ample reward. And now, how dreadful a
requital, for that child to grow up to hate and abuse you; to leave you
friendless, in sickness and in poverty; to squander all his earnings in haunts
of iniquity and degradation.
How entirely is your earthly happiness at
the disposal of your child! His character is now, in an important sense, in
your hands, and you are to form it for good or for evil. If you are consistent
in your government, and faithful in the discharge of your duties, your child
will probably through life revere you, and be the stay and solace of your
declining years. If, on the other hand, you cannot summon resolution to punish
your child when disobedient; if you do not curb his passions; if you do not
bring him to entire and willing subjection to your authority; you must expect
that he will be
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your curse. In all probability, he
will despise you for your weakness. Unaccustomed to restraints at home, he will
break away from all restraints, and make you wretched by his life, and
disgraceful in his death.
But few parents think of this as they ought. They are not conscious of the tremendous consequences dependent upon the efficient and decisive government of their children. Thousands of parents now stand in our land like oaks blighted and scathed by lightnings and storms. Thousands have had every hope wrecked, every prospect darkened, and have become the victims of the most agonizing and heart-rending disappointment, solely in consequence of the misconduct of their children. And yet thousands of others are going on in the same way, preparing to experience the same suffering, and are apparently unconscious of their danger.
It is true that there are
many mothers who feel their responsibilities perhaps as deeply as it is best
they should feel them. But there are many others--even of Christian
mothers--who seem to forget that their children will ever be less under their
control than they are while young. And they are training them up, by indecision
and indulgence, soon to tyrannize over their parents with a rod of iron--and to
pierce their hearts with many sorrows.
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If you are
unfaithful to your child when he is young, he will be unfaithful to you when he
is old. If you indulge him in all his foolish and unreasonable wishes when he
is a child, when he becomes a man he will indulge himself; he will gratify
every desire of his heart; and your sufferings will be rendered the more
poignant by the reflection that it was your own unfaithfulness which has caused
your ruin. If you would be the happy mother of a happy child, give your
attention, and your efforts, and your prayers, to the great duty of training
him up for God and heaven.
CHAPTER
II.
MATERNAL AUTHORITY.
I
HAVE
thus
endeavored to show the mother how much her happiness is dependent upon the good
or bad character of her children. Your own reflections and observation have,
doubtless, impressed this subject most deeply upon your heart. The question has
probably often presented itself to your mind, while reading the previous
chapter, "How shall I govern my children, so as to secure their
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virtue and happiness?" This question I shall now endeavor to
answer.
I. Obedience is absolutely essential to proper family government. Without this, all other efforts will be in vain. You may pray with, and for your children; you may strive to instruct them in religious truth; you may be unwearied in your efforts to make them happy, and to gain their affection. But if they are in habits of disobedience, your instructions will be lost, and your toil in vain. And by obedience , I do not mean languid and dilatory yielding to repeated threats, but prompt and cheerful acquiescence in parental commands. Neither is it enough that a child should yield to your arguments and persuasions. It is essential that he should submit to your authority.
I will suppose a case in illustration of this last remark. Your little daughter is sick; you go to her with the medicine which has been prescribed for her, and the following dialogue ensues.
"Here, my daughter, is some medicine for you."
"I don't want to take it, mamma."
"Yes, my dear, do take it, for it will make you feel better."
"No it won't, mother; I don't want it."
"Yes it will, my child; the doctor says it will."
"Well, it don't taste good, and I don't want it."
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The mother continues her persuasions, and the child persists in its refusal. After a long and wearisome conflict, the mother is compelled either to throw the medicine away, or to resort to compulsion, and force down the unpalatable drug. Thus, instead of appealing to her own supreme authority, she is appealing to the reason of the child , and, under these circumstances, the child of course refuses to submit.
A mother, not long since, under
similar circumstances, not being able to persuade her child to take the
medicine, and not having sufficient resolution to compel it, threw the medicine
away. When the physician next called, she was ashamed to acknowledge her want
of government, and therefore did not tell him that the medicine had not been
given. The physician finding the child worse, left another prescription,
supposing the previous one had been properly administered. But the child had no
idea of being convinced of the propriety of taking the nauseous dose, and the
renewed efforts of the mother were unavailing. Again the fond and foolish, but
cruel parent, threw the medicine away, and the fever was left to rage unchecked
in its veins. Again the physician called, and was surprised to find the
inefficacy of his prescriptions, and that the poor little sufferer was at the
verge of death. The mother,
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when informed that her
child must die, was in an agony, and confessed what she had done. But it was
too late. The child died. And think you that mother gazed upon its pale corpse
with any
common
emotions of anguish? Think you the
idea never entered her mind that she was the destroyer of her child? Physicians
will tell you that many children have been thus lost. Unaccustomed to obedience
when well, they were still more averse to it when sick. The efforts which are
made to induce a stubborn child to take medicine, often produce such an
excitement as entirely to counteract the effect of the prescription; and thus
is a mother often called to weep over the grave of her child, simply because
she has not taught that child to obey.
It is certainly the duty of
parents to convince their children of the reasonableness and propriety of their
requirements. This should be done to instruct them, and to make them acquainted
with moral obligation. But there should always be
authority
sufficient to enforce prompt obedience, whether
the child can see the reason of the requirement or not. Indeed, it is
impossible to govern a child by mere argument. Many cases must occur, in which
it will be incapable of seeing the reasonableness of the command; and often its
wishes will be so strongly opposed to duty, that all the efforts to convince
will be
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in vain. The first thing therefore to be
aimed at, is to bring your child under perfect subjection. Teach him that he
must obey you. Sometimes give him your reasons; again withhold them. But let
him perfectly understand that he is to do as he is bid. Accustom him to
immediate and cheerful acquiescence in your will. This is obedience. And this
is absolutely essential to good family government. Without this, your family
will present one continued scene of noise and confusion; the toil of rearing up
your children will be almost insupportable, and, in all probability, your heart
will be broken by their future licentiousness or ingratitude.
II. We come
now to the inquiry,
how is this habit of obedience to be
established?
This is not so difficult a matter as many imagine. It does
not require profound learning, or a mysterious skill, which pertains but to the
few. Where do you find the best regulated families? Are they in the houses of
the rich? Do the children of our most eminent men furnish the best patterns for
imitation? Obviously not. In some of the most humble dwellings we find the
beautiful spectacle of an orderly and well regulated family. On the other hand,
in the mansions of the wealthiest or most eminent men of our country, we may
often find a family of rude girls and ungovernable boys,--a picture of wild
misrule. It is not greatness of
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talent, or
profound learning, which is requisite to teach a child obedience. The
principles by which we are to be guided are very simple and very
plain.
Never give a command which you do not intend shall be obeyed.
There is no more effectual way of teaching a child disobedience, than by giving commands which you have no intention of enforcing. A child is thus habituated to disregard its mother; and in a short time the habit becomes so strong, and the child's contempt for the mother so confirmed, that entreaties and threats are alike unheeded.
"Mary, let that book alone," says a mother to her little daughter, who is trying to pull the Bible from the table.
Mary stops for a moment, and then takes hold of the book again.
Pretty soon the mother looks up and sees that Mary is still playing with the Bible. "Did not you hear me tell you to let that book alone?" she exclaims: "Why don't you obey?"
Mary takes away her hand for
a moment, but is soon again at her forbidden amusement. By and by, down comes
the Bible upon the floor. Up jumps the mother, and hastily giving the child a
passionate blow, exclaims, "There then, obey me next time." The child screams,
and the mother picks up the Bible,
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saying, "I
wonder why my children do not obey me better."
This is not a very interesting family scene, but every one of my readers will admit that it is not an uncommon one. And is it strange that a child, thus managed, should be disobedient? No. She is actually led on by her mother to insubordination; she is actually taught to pay no heed to her directions. Even the improper punishment which sometimes follows transgression, is not inflicted on account of her disobedience, but for the accidental consequences. In the case above described, had the Bible not fallen, the disobedience of the child would have passed unpunished. Let it be an immutable principle in family government, that your word is law.
I was once, when riding in the country, overtaken by a shower, and compelled to seek shelter in a farm house. Half a dozen rude and ungovernable boys were racing about the room, in such an uproar as to prevent the possibility of conversation with the father, who was sitting by the fire. As I, however, endeavored to make some remark, the father shouted out, "Stop that noise, boys."
They paid no more heed to him than they did to the rain. Soon again, in an irritated voice, he exclaimed,
"Boys, be still, or I will whip you; as sure as
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you are alive I will." But the boys, as though
accustomed to such threats, screamed and quarreled without
intermission.
At last the father said to me, "I believe I have got the worst boys in town; I never can make them mind me."
The fact was, these boys had the worst father in town. He was teaching them disobedience as directly and efficiently as he could. He was giving commands which he had no intention of enforcing, and they knew it. This, to be sure, is an extreme case. But just so far as any mother allows her authority to be disregarded, so far does she expose herself to the contempt of her children, and actually teaches them lessons of disobedience.
And is there any difficulty in enforcing obedience to any definite command? Take the case of the child playing with the Bible. A mild and judicious mother says distinctly and decidedly to her child, "My daughter, that is the Bible, and you must not touch it." The child hesitates for a moment, but yielding to the strong temptation, is soon playing with the forbidden book. The mother immediately rises, takes the child, and carries her into her chamber. She sits down and says calmly, "Mary, I told you not to touch the Bible, and you have disobeyed me. I am very sorry, for now I must punish you."
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Mary begins to cry, and to promise not to do so again.
"But Mary," says the mother, "you have disobeyed me, and you must be punished."
Mary continues to cry, but the mother seriously and calmly punishes her. She inflicts real pain--pain that will be remembered.
She then says, "Mary, it makes mother very unhappy to have to punish you. She loves her little daughter, and wishes to have her a good girl."
She then perhaps leaves her to herself for a few minutes. A little solitude will deepen the impression made.
In five or ten minutes she returns, takes Mary in her lap, and says, "My dear, are you sorry that you disobeyed mother?"
Almost any child would say, "Yes!"
"Will you be careful and not disobey me again?"
"Yes, mother."
"Well, Mary," says her mother, " I will forgive you, so far as I can; but God is displeased; you have disobeyed him as well as me. Do you wish me to ask God to forgive you?"
"Yes, mother," answers the child.
The mother then kneels with her daughter and
offers a simple prayer for forgiveness, and the return of peace and happiness.
She then leads her out,
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humbled and subdued. At
night, just before she goes to sleep, she mildly and affectionately reminds her
of her disobedience, and advises her to ask God's forgiveness again. Mary, in
child-like simplicity, acknowledges to God what she has done, and asks him to
forgive her, and take care of her, during the night.
When this child awakes in the morning, will not her young affections be more strongly fixed upon her mother, in consequence of the discipline of the preceding day? As she is playing about the room, will she be likely to forget the lesson she has been taught, and again reach out her hand to a forbidden object? Such an act of discipline tends to establish a general principle in the mind of the child, which will be of permanent operation, extending its influence to every command, and promoting the general authority of the mother and subjection of the child.
I know that some mothers say that they
have
not time
to pay so much attention to their children. But the fact is,
that not one-third of the time is required to take care of an orderly family,
which is necessary to take care of a disorderly one. To be faithful in the
government of your family, is the only way to save time. Can you afford to be
distracted and harassed by continued disobedience? Can you spare the time to
have your attention called away, every
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moment,
from the business in which you are engaged, by the mischievousness of your
wilful children?
Look at the parent surrounded by a family of children who are in the habit of doing as they please. She is very busy, I will suppose, upon some article of dress, which it is important should be immediately finished. Every moment she is compelled to raise her eyes from her work, to see what the children are about. Samuel is climbing upon the table. Jane is drawing out the andirons. John is galloping about the room upon the tongs. The mother, almost deafened with noise, wonders what makes her children so much more troublesome than other people's.
"Jane, let those andirons alone," she exclaims. Jane runs away for a moment, chases Charles around the room, and returns to her mischief.
"Charles, put up those tongs." Charles pays no heed to the direction.
The mother, soon seeing how he is wearing the carpet and bruising the furniture, gets up, gives Charles a shake, and places the tongs in their proper situation; but by the time she is fairly seated, and at her work again, Charles is astride the shovel, and traveling at the top of his speed.
I need not continue this picture. But every one knows that it
is not exaggerated. Such scenes do often occur. Thousands of immortal spirits
are
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trained up in this turbulence, and anarchy,
and noise, for time and for eternity. Now this mother will tell you that she
has not time
to bring her children into subjection.
Whereas, had she been faithful with each individual child, she would have saved
herself an immense amount of time and toil.
We will suppose the case of another mother, who has the same work to perform. She has taught her children prompt and implicit obedience. She gives three of them perhaps some blocks, in one corner of the room, and tells them that they may play " build houses ," but that they must not make much noise, and must not interrupt her, for she wishes to be busy. The other three she places in another corner of the room, with their slates, and tells them that they may play " make pictures. " The children, accustomed to such orderly arrangements, employ themselves very quietly and happily for perhaps three quarters of an hour. The mother goes on uninterrupted in her work. Occasionally she raises her eyes and says an encouraging word to her children, now noticing the little architects in the corner, and now glancing her eye at the drawings upon the slates; thus showing the children that she sympathises with them, and takes an interest in their enjoyments. The children are pleased and happy. The mother is undisturbed.
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She does not let them continue their amusements till they are weary of them. But after they have played perhaps three quarters of an hour, she says,
"Come, children, you have played long enough; you may take up all your little blocks and put them away in the drawer."
"O, mother," says Maria, "do let me play a little while longer, for I have got my house almost done."
"Well, you may finish it," says the judiciously kind mother, "but tell me as soon as it is done."
In a few minutes Maria says, "There, mamma, see what a large house I have built!" The mother looks at it, and adds a pleasant word of encouragement, and then tells them to put all their blocks in the proper place. She tells the children with the slates to hang them up, and to put away their pencils; so that, the next day, when slates and blocks are wanted, no time may be lost in searching for them.
Now which mother has the most time? and which mother has the happiest time? And which mother will find the most comfort in the subsequent character and affection of her children?
Perhaps some one will say, this is a pleasing picture, but
where are we to look for its reality? It is indeed to be regretted that such
scenes are of so unfrequent occurrence. But it is far from being true that they
do not occur. There are many such families
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of
happy parents and affectionate children. And these families are not confined to
the wealthy and the learned. It requires not wealth, and it requires not
extensive learning, to train up such a family. The principle of government is
simple and plain. It is to begin with enforcing obedience to every command. It
is to establish the principle that a mother's word is never to be disregarded.
Every judicious parent will, indeed, try to gratify her children in their
reasonable wishes. She will study to make them happy; but she will never allow
them to gratify themselves in contradiction to her wishes.
To illustrate
this, let us refer to the children playing with the blocks. The mother tells
them to put up the blocks. Maria asks permission to play a few moments longer,
till she can finish her house. The mother, desirous of making her children as
happy as she can, grants this reasonable wish. Here is a judicious indulgence.
But suppose again that the children had continued playing without regard to
their mother's command. They intend perhaps to continue their amusement only
till they complete the pile then in progress. Here is an act of direct
disobedience. The children are consulting their own inclinations instead of the
commands of their mother. A judicious parent will not allow such an act to pass
unnoticed or unpunished. She may perhaps think,
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considering the circumstances of the case, that a serious reprimand is all that
is required. But she will not fail to seize upon the occasion to instill into
their minds a lesson of obedience.
Is it said that by noticing such little things a mother must be continually finding fault? But it is not a little thing for a child to disobey a mother's commands. This one act of disregarding authority prepares the way for another. It is the commencement of evil which must be resisted. The very first appearances of insubordination must be checked. There are doubtless cases of trifling faults occurring, which a wise parent will judge it expedient to overlook. Children will be thoughtless and inadvertent. They will occasionally err from strict propriety, without any real intention of doing wrong. Judgment is here requisite in deciding what things must be overlooked; but we may be assured, I think, that direct and open disobedience is not, in any case, to be classed among the number of trifling faults. The eating of an apple banished our first parents from paradise. The atrocity of the offence consisted in its disobedience of a divine command.
Now, every mother has
power
to obtain
prompt obedience, if she commences with her children when they are young. They
are then entirely in her hands. All their enjoyments are at her disposal.
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God has thus given her all the power she needs to
govern and guide them as she pleases. We have endeavored to show, by the
preceding illustrations, that the fundamental principle of government is,
when you do give a command, invariably enforce its
obedience.
And God has given every mother the
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